The Wormlips Scrapbook

One of the good things about having a famous brother is you get free cookies when he does a book-signing, and in the Q&A session you get to ask him probing questions that he has no choice but to answer.

Did you know there are people whose job it is to drive visiting writers around to signings? Laura, the delightful woman who was guiding Jay tonight, does this for a living when she’s not in Calcutta where she works with a nonprofit that helps prevent trafficking of women and girls. There were seven dependent clauses in that sentence. I’m sorry. Anyway, she has also rafted the Kali Gandaki where I’m headed in two weeks.

I ran into an old radio acquaintance who is one of my Facebook friends. In parting, Laura said she’d be my new Facebook friend too.

Oh, I also got to see my sister-in-law My-Lissa (The Giant Mole) and that was a Very Good Thing, even though she’s not one my Facebook friends. My sister-sister is also my Facebook friend. I am very friendly, as you can see.

Lulu was home for a few hours on Sunday but she didn’t have much time to hang out because of an obligation at 5:30 sharp. She had an instance.

What’s an “instance”? you might ask. I have no idea, but it has something to do with killing monsters. For an hour she hammered frantically at the computer keyboard while strange sounds emanated from the speakers. I ignored World of Warcrafts’s electronic growls and zaps, but perked up when I heard real-live men’s voices.

Please stay tuned for general rebuffing. Get your unstable flasks; they’re only good in here. Greystone Cartel: can you hear me now?

I think she said the term for these guys is “raid leaders.”

I’ll do a 3-2-1. Keep it nice and consistent. Soul well’s up. Please get your candy.

I’ve never heard full-grown adult males with wives and children talk like this.

Okay for a read-check. Please give Mr. X applied. Ready for the pull. Krotch is in a really odd spot. Watch out for him.

The more riveted I became, the more it annoyed Lulu, whose Personal Space I was invading as she innocently tried to concentrate on killing pixelated things.

Chakka back up. Pull the blind eye back. Skull is down. Ranged to kill Krosh. Kill Moon first. Take him down! Okay, everyone can go on Triangle.

Eventually I got bored with scribbling notes and decided to go buy an ice cream cone.

“What kind of ice cream do you want?” I asked Lulu, who remained myopically immersed in the game.

“Pauldrons.”

“What?!”

“Shoulders.”

Sunday’s Lesson: Never try to talk to someone who’s in an instance.

Monday’s Lesson: Don’t try to eat dinner while you’re watching Interview with the Vampire. Every time I took a bite of food, some guy would start slurping on someone’s spurting artery. I had to shut the TV off altogether when Tom Cruise sunk his fangs into a rat and squeezed its black blood into a wine glass.

Today’s Lesson: I can’t decide if it’s “Check your calendar each night so you don’t sleep through a forgotten appointment” or “In a vampire movie, the worst is never over; even though the rat scene is past, don’t try to eat dinner while watching, particularly when dinner is spaghetti with tomato sauce.”

Today Stella was stinky as a result of yesterday’s illness-induced mishaps. Unable to stand the stench as I labored at my computer, I logged off and gave Stella a bath.

Here, Stella knows something bad is about to happen. Her theory is, if she doesn’t look at me, I won’t see her:

Lather, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat:

Shake, lick the tub, and escape:

She didn’t like the part at the end when I vacuumed her.

I’d never have believed it possible, but I have found lips that are superior even to those of a guinea pig:

These belong to my great-nephew Ryan. Imagine these lips ON a guinea pig, and your life will not have been in vain.

I’ve reached my verdict on Yahoo Answers: waste of time. Great idea, to have a one-stop place for the masses to exchange information. But its most visible inhabitants are flame-throwers who are light on grey matter, and those needing advice on romance. This morning I posted a simple question asking where pro-Tibet rallies are scheduled in SF tomorrow as the Olympic torch passes through town — its only stop in the US. With China cracking down on Tibetan protesters as the date of the Olympics approaches, it seems opportune to lend my immense body to bulk up an opposition rally. But my only responses were one glib snark and one full-fledged rant. Maybe I should re-join The Well. Those were good forums.