The Wormlips Scrapbook

A new classic for my overheard-quotation collection:

“When I think of what those people went through, it just makes the hair on the back of my legs stand up” —TJM

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I don’t believe a blog is the place to talk about my Real Life, particularly not in its current state of multifaceted suckage.

Instead I bring you random pearls lovingly gathered over the past few days.

In the June issue of Tiny Joy, the newsletter of Sweet Maria’s Coffee, the owner describes how he’s drowning in new coffee samples, stashed in every cranny of his office.

Occasionally there are the escapees, loose green coffee now hopelessly separated from its designated bag: anonymous, alone, doomed to become floor sweepings, never to be roasted, tasted or appreciated.

This is the first time I’ve identified with a bean.

A few nights ago, I went with AG & MC & Bul to the Austin Lounge Lizards, whose performance was an effective salve for the irritants of life. Their songs make me feel better about religion (”Jesus loves me but you’re gonna fry”), politics, antidepressants and the difficulties of learning Spanish.

Here’s what they have to say about their native state:

Our accents are the drawliest, our howdies are the y’alliest,
Our Lone Star flag’s the waviest, our fried steak’s the cream-graviest,
Our rattlesnakes the coiliest, our beaches are the oiliest,
Our politicians most corrupt, our stop signs most abrupt,
Our guitars are the twangiest, our guns are the keblangiest.
Our cows are the long-horniest, our yodels the forlorniest…

I left the concert with a new t-shirt. One of the band members admired it and I think he said it matches my eyes.

Ever-vigilant AG harvested some inspired quotations in Florida last week, including:

With one tuckus I can’t dance at two weddings.

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As an antidote to my last post, here are some funny things I’ve heard the past few days:

From Anna…

“My arms are weenie. They just stick out the sides of my body. But yours have bumps.”

“I have to stop sticking my anteater nose everywhere.”

From Walk Hard…

[Teej and Richard sent the DVD to me. I watched it all by myself just now, at times laughing so hard I was wheezing.]

A Blues Song Sung by a Kid

“I done a bad thing
Cut my brother in half
Done a bad, bad thing
Cut my brother in half.”

Wife to husband: “I DO believe in you; I just know you’re gonna FAIL.”

Father to son: “I guess I never realized till just this minute how easy it is to accidentally cut someone in half.”

Talking to Mother

Here are two verses from a bluegrass song by Scott Brannon. It’s about a full-grown man pretending he’s talking to his dead mother on a pretend phone. It may have been written at the Bates Motel.

“Hello, my mother dear. I think the line is clear.
We’ll not disturb the angels ‘round the shining throne.
I’m lonely here today. It will dry my tears away
To play like we are talking on the telephone.

“Oh Mother Dear, I miss you since you have been gone.
I cannot see your face or hear your voice I know.
But when I play we’re talking on the telephone
It almost seems that I can hear your [sweet?] hello.”

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