Job Hunting

“Hunting” seems an odd verb choice in the context of jobs. It implies surreptitiously stalking an elusive prey with a high-caliber weapon. In fact, the jobs aren’t even hiding. Bagging a desirable one is the challenge. It’s like trying to catch mercury.

Here are some of the “essential job functions” of a position I found nearby in Berkeley:

• Stand and walk for extended periods of time.
• Bend and twist neck and waist, reach above and below shoulders and squat.
• Repetitive use of hands for grasping, pushing, pulling, and fine manipulation.

Can you guess what the job is? It sounds like dirty dancing. I must say, this fails the “desirability” test. Plus, I’m not very bendable and poseable any more.

Here are more job requirements; guess the job: you spend a majority of your time maneuvering around the store, prolonged standing, repetitive bending, climbing, and lifting.

And here’s something for which I have some facility: Other duties as required. I should have an honorary doctorate in Other-Duties.

While I was writing this, I got an e-mail from my sister with a list of available positions in Berserkeley. Here’s a job title I’ve simply never heard of before: Behavior Technician. Is that, like, a mother, I wonder? I read through the posting, to try to find out more. After a few paragraphs, I still had no idea, and then I got to this:

Job Description
Sweet, you’re still reading this. Awesome.

It really said that. I read on. It’s someone who needs to be available Monday through Saturday, 8 to 6. Wow, this is the worst job description I’ve ever seen. It illuminates all aspects of the position except what it is.

On the other end of the spectrum, there’s a wonderful company called Good Eggs in San Francisco that has an open position as a grocery delivery driver. It does meet the “desirability” criterion, insofar as the farm-to-consumer process is fascinating, but may prove difficult on the “bagging it” front. That’s because, ironically, I’m both overqualified and under-qualified for the job. I ain’t got no retail or customer service background; I do have decades of journalism/education/communications experience, which may lead them to wonder why I’m saying I want to take food for a drive.

What is Good Eggs? It’s essentially a virtual farmers’ market. You place an online order for local, organic food and it winds up on your doorstep a day or two later. I’ve decided I want the job so badly that I’ve put other applications on hold until I know the outcome. Why? Cool people, worthy grassroots mission (to get food food into more hands). I sent them an impassioned cover letter, whose ebullience I’ll spare you now.

The next day I was pleased to get an e-mail requesting a phone interview. It went well. I talked with a very bright woman who kept buffalo as pets when she was young. Now I’m waiting for my in-person interview in SF next week. Wish me luck.