The Wormlips Scrapbook

As an antidote to my last post, here are some funny things I’ve heard the past few days:

From Anna…

“My arms are weenie. They just stick out the sides of my body. But yours have bumps.”

“I have to stop sticking my anteater nose everywhere.”

From Walk Hard…

[Teej and Richard sent the DVD to me. I watched it all by myself just now, at times laughing so hard I was wheezing.]

A Blues Song Sung by a Kid

“I done a bad thing
Cut my brother in half
Done a bad, bad thing
Cut my brother in half.”

Wife to husband: “I DO believe in you; I just know you’re gonna FAIL.”

Father to son: “I guess I never realized till just this minute how easy it is to accidentally cut someone in half.”

Talking to Mother

Here are two verses from a bluegrass song by Scott Brannon. It’s about a full-grown man pretending he’s talking to his dead mother on a pretend phone. It may have been written at the Bates Motel.

“Hello, my mother dear. I think the line is clear.
We’ll not disturb the angels ‘round the shining throne.
I’m lonely here today. It will dry my tears away
To play like we are talking on the telephone.

“Oh Mother Dear, I miss you since you have been gone.
I cannot see your face or hear your voice I know.
But when I play we’re talking on the telephone
It almost seems that I can hear your [sweet?] hello.”

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As I’ve told you, my younger daughter is minoring in animal science at college. Today in the livestock and dairy judging class, they did a unit on breeding-cattle. I asked her what she learned.

Lulu: I didn’t really learn anything new. Just changing priorities for what we want in our cows.

Ginna: How can I change my priorities for my cows if I don’t have any priorities or cows?

L: You don’t need to, because I changed my own priorities. For you.

G: What HAD your priorities been?

L: Muscle and finish (fat). That’s for market steers — the ones you wanna EAT.

G: And now?

L: With the female cattle, you want decent balance and structure and depth.

G: Why do I want a deep cow? I guess I’d want a balanced cow because I hate when they fall over. And structure is good, else they’re all floppy. Do we eat cows and bulls, both?

L: Presumably. The market steers were all guy cows though.

G: You’re, uh, studying animal science, you say?

L: I’m not using technical terms because I don’t WANNA. I would say bull, except the edible cattle we’d been looking at were fixed, so they weren’t too manly anymore.

G: Wusses.

L: Yeah.

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