Excerpts of letters from the Katie archive.
May 17, 1999
She was a good pig
a sweet pig
a gentle pig
but squeaked alot.
Oh no. Wrong species. It was Ginna the HUMAN who died of itsy bitsy brain injuries, warn’t it?
Last night in her Albany home, Ginna “Beanhead” Allison died with of itsy bitsy brain injuries sustained when she had earlier attacked a stud wall, thinking it was, in fact, a stud. She was known for her peaceful demeanor whilst driving amongst drivers not as competent as herself. She was the founder of The Golden Joy Club, a Wilmington philanthropic institution. Her sister, Kate the Magnificent (also known as The Pale Beauty), was quoted as saying, “She’s ruined our year, you know, but we’ll get over it.” Ginna helped sustain the Miss Saylors organization, which was linked to a Colombian cartel. President Clinton’s only comment regarding this supposed tragedy was, “Good riddance.” The SPCA described Ms. Allison as a “Chinchilla Hater” who also would torture her poor dog “Otis” by dressing him in ridiculous outfits for her own amusement. Their only comment upon hearing the news was, “Today is a day of rejoicing for all animals.” Rats were heard to laugh in labs across this country. “Her grandfather always liked her,” said her mother, “but he’s been dead for many years now.”
Even though all these elements may paint a somewhat dismal picture, she was also known as being kinda funny and sweet.
May 26, 1999
There is a dead possum outside. It was hit by a car and crawled up to the house to die. Tragicsville. Sam [the golden retriever] will undoubtedly take possession of the body, as soon as he locates it. Would YOU like a dead possum?
I won’t die unless my life ends. Then you can come with me, if you like. The company would be nice, but don’t feel pressured.
June 6, 1999
I sat on Granny and Granddad’s collective graves today. I left my pocket tool thingie there in case they needed to open a bottle of wine, or whittle, or something. Two guys sat about 15 feet away from me the whole time and watched me like I was gonna shoplift. What could I shoplift, I must ask?
I’m going to get a glass of vino. I hear tell alcohol preserves brain cells. You must be very bright.